Strategies for talking about school with children and teenagers

When your child first gets home from school in the afternoon, they’ll probably be tired and hungry or thinking about other things. So easing the transition from school or after-school activities to home can help your child feel more like talking.
It’s best to avoid asking your child a lot of questions straight away – this can be overwhelming for your child. You can just let your child know that you’re glad to see them and talk about non-school topics for a while. Younger children will probably also like unpacking their bags and showing you things they’ve brought home before you ask about school.
If your child is old enough for homework, saving questions about homework for later can also take the pressure off.
Every afternoon or evening can be different. Even if your child usually likes to share their day with you, there’ll probably be days when they don’t want to talk. Sometimes it’s a matter of sensing your child’s mood and picking the right moment. Some days there might not be a right moment at all, and that’s OK.

Simple, positive and specific questions about parts of the day can get your child talking. It’s good to use questions that invite more than a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘OK’ response. For example:

• What’s the news from school today?
• What was fun?
• What did you like best at school today?
• What does your classroom look like at the moment?
• What did you do in class after recess?
• Who did you hang out with today?
• What subjects did you do today?
• What topics are you working on in science at the moment?

Tips for talking about school with primary school

These tips can help you communicate well with your child:

• Make time to talk. This can often be when you’re doing something with your child. For example, your child might like to talk when you’re walking the dog or preparing dinner together.
• Give your child your full attention if they want to talk with you about their day.
• Take seriously whatever your child tells you. For example, you can say things like, ‘That’s interesting. Then what happened?’ or ‘And how do you feel about that?’
• Use respectful language when you talk about the school and teachers with or in front of your child. For example, ‘I can see that’s frustrating, but Ms Adams is your teacher and you need to speak respectfully to her’, or ‘Yes, that seems unfair, but perhaps you don’t know the whole story’.
• Use active listening techniques. These can help you pick up on your child’s feelings and work out whether they want to talk.